Where the Community Is

More and more Bisexuals all across the world are asking themselves and others — Where is OUR community?

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Bob Marley, “Redemption Song”

A couple of Sundays ago in the midst of the interminable rains of this June – and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since we’ve seen the sun in eastern Massachusetts – I was driving a friend towards those points between Boston and New Hampshire known as the North Shore. While the wipers tapped out their rhythm on the truck’s windshield and WUMB played folk in the background, she and I began bantering about the writing process and where each of us was in it.

This friend is a poet who just got her first check for a published poem and I was taking her back home after her writing group met in Boston for coffee with a side of moral support. The next topic to come down the pike – pardon the pun – was the idea of a bisexual community and whether one really existed. Since both of us are bi, we did a good job rehashing our feelings of being welcome/unwelcome in the gay and lesbian communities and not in step with the straight community. We returned to that old saw that society wants to put us in either the straight column or the gay/lesbian column, a conversation I’m sure comes as no surprise to you. The idea that people can be more fluid is still rather offputting.

So, put at least two bisexuals together and the tenor of the conversation revolves around being out of sync. Our culture(s) want to divide things according to yes/no, black/white, 0/1, and this is clearly not the bisexual way of thinking or being. This is the root of bisexual invisibility: People don’t want to acknowledge what makes them uncomfortable or what they cannot or will not see. I’m guessing many of you have had this same conversation, which often leads to the magical question, “Where’s the bisexual community?”  I know that’s the question my friend and I tossed around.

As I write this, I’m chuckling to myself because the obvious answer is that the bisexual community was sitting in my truck. Of course, the two of us were thinking of more organized groups, which carry that imprimatur of officialdom. You know, the kinds of institutions that reek of carrying the right to be the voice of all bisexuals.  Besides, feeling alienated from lesbians, gays and straights, why not throw an extra layer of alienation on top?  But have any of us been asking about what kind of support we need and want from our fellow bisexuals?  Would we know how to ask for support if we could put the alienation aside for a moment?

Yes, there are organizations such as the Bisexual Resource Center and BiNet USA, just to name two, that have been plugging away for years to reach out to and inform about bisexuals. There’s also, though, a streak of independence and free thinking that makes bisexuals almost loathe to join groups; it certainly kept two of us from recognizing that two bisexuals in a truck speaking about bisexuality constitute a community if only in the most rudimentary terms. In fact, in our circle of friends the two of us are not the only bisexuals, which means that by dint of our willingness to be honest with ourselves and others, we found ourselves. That’s a community worth cultivating.

Perhaps, we bisexuals in spite of our free thinking,  have been looking as a group for the official Committee in Defence of Bisexuality, rather than recognizing those actions we take, the people around us and honoring both. I don’t necessarily think we need a central committee to guide us. I do think we need to reach out wherever we are and build strong, inclusive local communities or even just a coffee klatch with our bi friends. Do I even need to mention online communities?

So, what are you doing to support bisexuals locally or on the net? That’s where the community is. To quote René Dubos, “Think globally, act locally.” In that way, we have what we need right where we are in a way that responds to our needs. In that way, we also build networks that can reinforce each other. Think of it as a federation of bisexuals, which is much better than a central committee anyway, don’t you think?